Interview: Scared

Anonymous

I knew things were starting to go bad when she began to masturbate during sex and reach orgasm by herself. Now there’s nothing wrong with girls doing that, but it just felt like she was choosing to have an intimate moment with herself instead of connecting with me. Then in the end, my ex-girlfriend closed off from intimacy. 

Intimacy has to do with how you deal with emotions in front of other people. Politeness, intended, detached politeness is the opposite of sex. 

Sometimes with a girl, you take off their shirt and you can feel them thinking ‘maybe he doesn't like my boobs.’ Of course, some boobs are more pleasant to the eye than others, but if you’re at the point of having sex, it doesn't really matter.

I would correlate a lot of different kinds of emotions with intimacy. Like shame, joy, a sense of freedom. But I think it's more aspects of your inner life, or yourself that you share. It's not only physical, or social. 

Intimacy has a lot to do with self-confidence. If you are self-confident you don't feel the need to put walls between yourself and others. I don't think you can pretend to have intimacy.

I'm telling you, intimacy is scary! Unless I meet a girl who really blows my mind I don't want to build anything lasting and intimate with someone. I just want to think of myself. Boys are very scared of connecting emotionally. 

I'm starting to ask myself why I have a problem with Spanish girls. Maybe I can't deal with the closeness you get from being from the same culture. I go for girls that are exotic for me. With people from the same culture, you say three lines and you have so many ideas about them already.

 I also think I have a better personality when I speak in English than in Spanish, I prefer myself, I'm less arrogant.  If I want to keep a certain distance by not dating women from my culture, perhaps I do have a problem with intimacy.